the young man had a morbid sensation of fear, of which he was ashamed and which caused him to frown
i was on a mf field trip but it was a pirate ship looking boat and we were traveling to monmouth county which is weird to use a boat for but ok. oh it was a land boat btw. yea it was driven by one person kinda pulling it. this mf never touched water unless u count puddles but then sometimes it was a bus. on said boat was:
my bsf (we'll call her liz)
my ex's brother (we'll call him paul)
my friend (we'll call him charlie)
so i had to drive the land boat and in order to get there u gotta go thru bridges and shit (barbie style) and u gotta pass by this troll on a bridge. and we had to not break the bridge cuz it was not meant for land boats. and the troll was js some old guy that worked for monmouth county and he was kinda js guiding ppl to not die on the muddy ass bridge. everyone was js regular ppl and then it was us in a mf land boat.
so my dream skipped over wtv tf we did in monmouth county
then we went to
my ex
's house and for some reason there was a fire escape and they had like a rundown dance room that the fire escape led to. and liz wants to go in. and i'm looking at paul cuz
that's my ex and their mom fucking hates me for shit that's not entirely my fault. i was trying my best, but my best wasn't enough and everyone's bars are at different levels. to my ex's mom who ik won't read this: i really did care. i promise. i js didn't know what to do. my emotions got the better of me. i'm sorry. and i cared about u too. it rlly does hurt that u hate me. i say i hate ur daughter, but idk anymore. i js know it's best for the both of us to stay away from each other. ik i don't hate u. and i don't blame u either. i wouldn't want my daughter around me either. ik we'll never see each other again, but js know i still care. ik i messed up. i messed up big time. i shouldn't have said what i said, but my mom was convincing me that ur daughter was trying to kill me and caused all my problems. ik now that she was used as a scapegoat and everything wasn't her fault. i take back what i said, i hope she gets better and she never sees me again. it's kinda sad to see her in the hallway with her headphones on, all alone, but what can i do? i'll js make it worse. maybe i don't rlly like her anymore, but ik now that she was trying her best. i rlly can't forgive her for everything, but i'll at least call us even. i'll keep sticking to my word and not talk to her. i rlly didn't know she was gonna find that. i thought she was over me. i care too much about what other ppl think and ig that's js what i wanna know. im sure u think i'm crazy and an asshole, and psychotic, and an addict and i wouldn't blame u. js know i don't hate u guys i'm js staying away for the better.
so we go in and ofc my ex is there. and she's doing some shit for cheer. and then she sees me and gets pissed and calls her mom who sees me and gets so fucking pissed and starts comforting her daughter and yelling at me (valid) and then i break down apologizing for everything i did and i said that
my mother wishes they were dead
and my ex's mom says smth about muslims taking things like that too far
my ex's dad is racist af
and i js breakdown more.
then we go to some random ass garden and i don't like it cuz it's muddy af and there's some random ass old man conducting ur basic field day activities, so i go back inside and meet charlie in the library that's there for some reason. ig we both left cuz we didn't wanna be involved and then we js talked. and it was sweater day all over again.