i js feel useless. like i could b more and ppl like me anyway. im js scared cuz everyone that's super fucking nice to me fucks me over. whenever i trust someone with my life they endanger it. and i should stop trusting ppl w my life, but i still do ig cuz i think they know better. anyway i trusted this one kid w my life and he's only saved it. he hasn't thrown shit at me, he hasn't smashed me into a table, he hasn't been racist to me, he hasn't tried to convert me. nothing. idk what he's up to, but im scared. cuz i don't wanna lose him. he literally saved my fucking life. what's his endgame? what does he want from me? he can js ask. i'll do it. idc i owe him 2 of my lives. and this bitch saves my life and has been nothing but an angel to me while ive been a total fucking dick to him and says i don't owe him anything. he js asked for a bracelet in exchange for a drawing. obviously made him one (pretty cute imo) and he (hopefully) liked it. i told he didn't need to draw me anything cuz i already owe him my life, but he insisted, and honestly i fucking love it. i put it up on my wall. ik i don't deserve it, but i got it now. im js waiting. when's he gonna fuck me over? y does it seem like he understands and like he cares? no cuz when i trust ppl i lose them. i js don't know what i'll do when i lose him. i love him (platonically ofc) and i love that he gets that its platonic, and i love that im not his type. im still scared. what's he gonna do to me? he seems like he rlly cares. i think he loves me more than my dad does. but who tf am i to say that? he's prob faking js. he's gotta b. u can't care about me like that. i js wanna know what he's gonna do to me. cuz there's no fucking way that he rlly cares. he's js acting. i don't wanna get hurt anymore. he didn't need to do any of the things he did. yk what maybe he js saved my life cuz i was very obviously durnk texting him and he didn't want evidence that he ignored a drunk bitch. idk y he put so much effort into trying to comfort me, but that's gotta b y he saved me. cuz no way he cares enough. im a horrible person. he doesn't need to care. y's he so fucking nice to me? it so fucking sweet and it makes me so fucking happy in the moment, but after i have to woder y. im js scared of what he's gonna do to me? maybe he's plotting revenge for smth i don't remember doing. there's no way he rlly cares about me that much. i care about him tho. i'll do wtv till i find out what he wants. ig a part of me knows i owe him no matter what he does to me. he's so fucking good at the act tho. its hard not to believe it but ik. if so many ppl didn't fuck me over in the past i prob wiuldn't suspect a thing. wtv he does to me, cheers to momento mori
