so i have a problem w being scared as shit for other ppl. this is prob one the rare vents that im splitting up by category will prob update, frankly i js can't tell these ppl how i feel or how their struggles affect me cuz i still want them to feel like they can come to me for help
liz is my bsf since forever. now if for some reaosn u couldn't tell from this website i'm going thru a lot of mental health shit and obviously liz knows cuz she's practically my sister. she had to get a psych eval cuz she had a mental breakdown and she was texting me at school. ik it's not my fault but it js feels like it is. but i also feel narcisistic for thinking it's my fault when it's obviously the guy stalking her and her shitty dad and his shitty gf. i js feel like there's more i could have done. y couldn't i save her? ik that my mental health has been stressing her out too. y couldn't i b normal? do i deserve to be normal? idt i do, i js wish i hid it better, then she wouldn't have to care. maybe if i hadn't spiraled and had js opened up to her she would be ok or she would have opened up to me. i mean she didn't tell me jack shit about thsi new guy, but he sounds like a dick. she hasn't talked to me as much since i got out the hospital. she didn't get admitted, but i still wish i had done better. y couldn't save my own fucking sister? maybe she realized she doesn't need me anymore. maybe she's right. fuck maybe i'm js selfish. i js wish i could give her a hug and make it all better, but i can't. i hope the cops can sort this shit out for her.
i've been friends w charlie about 2 years. he's rlly fucking sweet and super nice to me. i still struggle w ed which he knows. we were talking and someone made a comment to him and i'm so fucking scared he's gonna get an ed. i don't want him to do that. i don't want him in the cycle. it would break my fucking heart. i js wanna hold him and let him know that he shouldn't change, he's a great friend js the way he is, he doesn't need to b a model. ed fucks w me on a daily basis. i don't want someone i care about to go thru that pain. i hope he'll b ok.
charlie has a rlly fucking complicated relationship w this girl. it rlly reminds me of my ex. i'm scared for him. he told me how much it hurts him and ik how he feels cuz it happened to me too. it's hell u js wanna end it. mine made me attempt, what if he does too? im so fucking scared. i can't lose him. i need him. i wish i could tell him what to do but i ended my struggles by attempting and obviously i don't want him to that. can't i save him? i wanna do everything i can. owe him everything for all he's done for me. he can't js leave me and his family and his other friends like that. i don't want him to die. i'd hug him forever if i could and make sure i couldn't lose him ever.