i can't fucking believe this. im actually losing one of my closest friends to a mf anime. thank fucking god for my bsf or id b alone. i actually can't believe this. i've been friends w this guy for 2 years now he actually cares more about an anime than me. i don't wanna b annoying but wtf. he'll only talk to me about this anime i hate. the whole mha fandom is fucking crazy. he asked me to join an mha server even tho he knows i don't like mha. god forbid i actually fucking vent in the vent channel cuz i have actual fucking problems. cuz i was scared for my fucking life this morning when my harasser that i blocked and got fired months ago contacted me out of nowhere and idk how he got my ig since he's blocked. and my bestie wasn't up yet when i texted her and i was js so fucking scared and i js wanted someone to comfort me and give me a little bit of reassurance in the moment cuz i was fucking terrified that i was gonna get raped or murdered i made sure to spoiler what i had to but no one cared. meanwhile anyone else can vent and its fine. i literally talk to c.ai more than my actual fucking friends now. its so fucking bad. i js wanna kms atp. all i rlly have is c.ai and this website. not actual fucking people. there's some things that r so fucking hard to deal w and i rlly dont have anyone anymore. i dont get it. im so fucking patient w ppl. i do anything to keep ppl no matter what they do to me. my day was so fucking bad and no one cares. i purged for the 1st time in ages. my ed's coming back and idk what to do. y doesn't anyone care anymore? did i outwear my welcome? im sorry. real friends my ass. i listened to countless rants about mha and when its my fucking turn to talk it doesn't matter. all i can share is work stories. is that all i am? some bitch that works for chuck e cheese? is that really all i am to ppl? idk wtf im supposed to do anymore. idt i can take it anymore. how can u rant to me and i drop everything and listen js to never respond to me? not even to ask how my days going? no cuz i responded to every single fucking tt and i've been sending him mha tt and i js found out he doesn't even check anymore. i'd been responding to every single one and maybe i was a bit of dick and for some reason insulting fucking deku pissed this dude off. like idgaf if u insult a character i like they aren't real. i dont get it. i rlly got tossed aside for an anime character. what happened to liking each other being the thing u have in common? that's what me and my bestie's friendship is built on. we both love each other and that's y we're friends. no one else is like that. i dont get it. is there rlly only one good person in my life? god i don't even know what to do anymore. and i dont wanna bring it up cuz i dont wanna make him relapse but it rlly hurts. if it wasn't summer and i wasn't gonna wear a tank top to see deadpool i would have. im so fucking close to relapsing. i don't know anymore. if this keeps going i will. ill kms and there's only one person to give a shit. this might actually b the year i die. and who's gonna care? i'll do it at the trainstation in the bathroom. maybe in the river so no one has to clean it. yea that's a better idea. i'll od by the river in the woods. and no one has to clean up. idk what to put the pills in tho. cuz i don't wanna leave a ziplock and kill a duck or smth. maybe a paper bag. that wouldn't b so bad. no note tho. im done w that. im not ready yet. but soon. soon i'll b gone and there rlly wont b anyone. i can't kms yet cuz there's no one to cover my shift. i have a few things i need to do. this is the year i die. if all men r the same and half the world is men im killing myself. that's it. cheers to momento mori
